When I first started this blog, I had no idea where it was going to land. It was a "One Way Ticket" with an undetermined destination. I started thinking a lot about the things that were missing in my life, and I decided that love was the biggest piece of my puzzle still missing, so it appears that this is turning into a blog all about relationship advice, I'm okay with that, are you?
I have went on some dates since I've been here in Houston, talked to plenty of men, and what I'm finding is that most people don't appear to take dating seriously. The easiest question that the guys I have talked to fail on is, "What are your deal breakers?"
Deal breakers are often to referred to by most matchmakers and relationship coaches as "non-negotiables". They are the list of qualities you refuse to settle on. Most people immediately think of this list as phsysical characteristics of their dream partner like;
1. 6'2 and taller
2. toned body
3. brown hair
While those are okay to include, I feel its also important to include meaningful non-physical attributes in a partner. Here's my list if you're interested.
1. Must have ambition
2. Needs to be able to take charge in a relationship
3. Cannot be a dream killer
These are the top 3 things I look for in a person that I will not compromise on, that is essentially my line in the sand when it comes to scouting out a potential partner. Pretty simple right? #2 was just added recently when I figured out that I am in charge in all other areas of my life, the relationship is one area that I would like to have somebody else take the wheel on. Sure, I'll provide input and read a map every once in a while, but I just don't have the energy in a day to come up with every aspect at putting the relationship together. I'm sure I'm not alone in this way of thinking, maybe this is important to a lot of you, you've just never been able to put it into words, or even think that you were allowed.
If you're single, take some time to think about what your deal breakers would be, and the next time you are on a date put the list next to the person your with and if they are missing even one of them, then move on. Don't waste time because you will not be happy in the end.
If you're currently in a relationship make the list and see if your significant other is in line with what you won't compromise in. If he or she isn't, its okay, it doesn't mean you have to break up with the person, but you should definitely have a conversation about the things that are important to you. For example, everyone has ambition, some just don't voice it because they feel insecure about expressing their dreams and life goals, but when they feel comfortable doing it, they soon find that its easier to measure success if someone else hears their goals.
Sometimes your partner just needs to be reminded. Brad Paisley with Carrie Underwood "Remind Me"
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Come Here, Wait Not That Close
I am an idiot.
Are you through nodding your head in agreement yet? Good. Yes, when it comes to love and relationships I am inept of doing it successfully. I usually chase after the unattainable, or when I go after someone I think I have a shot at getting, once he shows interest, I run away. Now, I would like to think of myself as a sincere person, so this usually isn't done to inflict pain on the other party, or to get some kind of warped satisfaction out of rejecting someone, its just the time honored tradition of putting my mind and heart into a WWE cage match. Let me share with you exactly what I'm talking about...
So, there is this guy here in Houston that appears to have some interest in me, and I in him, however right off the bat I'll tell you that I shouldn't. Although, one of the driving factors that pushed me into this move was my never-ending quest to find love, and Reno wasn't showing to be a fruitful battlefield, so I came into Houston. But in Reno, I was ready for love, and I could provide for a partner. I don't necessarily need to be the bread winner in a relationship, but I do need to have some sense of stability, and a 25 year old unemployed guy living with his parents was never at the top of my list, so why should I think that its on the top of anybody elses?
Anyway, we've been conversing for two weeks, chit chatting and getting to know eachother, and then he starts asking me to hang out with him. I would immediately say no, but then I thought I sounded like I was leading him on, so when he asked again, I just ignored him for awhile. Right, because we all thoroughly enjoy being ignored. I'm a tool sometimes. I was talking to a very good friend of mine about the situation, and she basically told me to straighten up and just be honest with him. So then I told him that I just wanted to be more stable before we hung out because that sort of thing is important to me. Not so bad, right?
Honestly, its going to take me weeks before I have my feet planted to the degree I think they should be planted. Most people would just say, "Just go out with him, and have fun!". I don't work like that. Maybe I'm just psychologically unable to process how to do that, but I don't just date to have fun, I date to find the person I'm going to have a white picket fence and 2.5 kids with. Now, don't worry, that isn't my opening line when he picks me up, but its how I enter the situation. And I would NEVER date someone who is where I'm at now. There are exceptions, like I don't care if you flip burgers for a living, so long as you aspire to be the restaraunt manager down the road. If you have ambition, then I have the time, but if you're content being at the bottom rung of the ladder, then you aren't for me. But I don't give others the credit to think things out like I do, and if you have come to the assumption that I am in fact crazy, then you already know that its impossible for anyone to have the same thought process that I do.
So what do I do?
1) Throw caution to the wind and go have fun with no concrete end game?
Unlikely, homie don't play that game
2) Chalk this up to a learning experience and say I lost this one, but don't pursue another till I feel I'm ready?
Thats probably the most likely solution, but as you read in a previous post I don't think I have many "dimes" left and I need to stop acting in this manner
3) Ride it out, get set straight fast, and go knocking on his door when I'm settled?
This is the most desireable outcome. Hopefully he'll answer the door, I just hope we're both not 60.
At the end of the day it is true that I overthink a lot of things in my life. It's true, and there are days where I think thats a great quality, but then there are days like today, where I think I miss out on so many of life's expderiences because if it doesn't have a play-by-play description then I don't want to participate. Only time will tell what happens, yes time. Ugh.
Are you through nodding your head in agreement yet? Good. Yes, when it comes to love and relationships I am inept of doing it successfully. I usually chase after the unattainable, or when I go after someone I think I have a shot at getting, once he shows interest, I run away. Now, I would like to think of myself as a sincere person, so this usually isn't done to inflict pain on the other party, or to get some kind of warped satisfaction out of rejecting someone, its just the time honored tradition of putting my mind and heart into a WWE cage match. Let me share with you exactly what I'm talking about...
So, there is this guy here in Houston that appears to have some interest in me, and I in him, however right off the bat I'll tell you that I shouldn't. Although, one of the driving factors that pushed me into this move was my never-ending quest to find love, and Reno wasn't showing to be a fruitful battlefield, so I came into Houston. But in Reno, I was ready for love, and I could provide for a partner. I don't necessarily need to be the bread winner in a relationship, but I do need to have some sense of stability, and a 25 year old unemployed guy living with his parents was never at the top of my list, so why should I think that its on the top of anybody elses?
Anyway, we've been conversing for two weeks, chit chatting and getting to know eachother, and then he starts asking me to hang out with him. I would immediately say no, but then I thought I sounded like I was leading him on, so when he asked again, I just ignored him for awhile. Right, because we all thoroughly enjoy being ignored. I'm a tool sometimes. I was talking to a very good friend of mine about the situation, and she basically told me to straighten up and just be honest with him. So then I told him that I just wanted to be more stable before we hung out because that sort of thing is important to me. Not so bad, right?
Honestly, its going to take me weeks before I have my feet planted to the degree I think they should be planted. Most people would just say, "Just go out with him, and have fun!". I don't work like that. Maybe I'm just psychologically unable to process how to do that, but I don't just date to have fun, I date to find the person I'm going to have a white picket fence and 2.5 kids with. Now, don't worry, that isn't my opening line when he picks me up, but its how I enter the situation. And I would NEVER date someone who is where I'm at now. There are exceptions, like I don't care if you flip burgers for a living, so long as you aspire to be the restaraunt manager down the road. If you have ambition, then I have the time, but if you're content being at the bottom rung of the ladder, then you aren't for me. But I don't give others the credit to think things out like I do, and if you have come to the assumption that I am in fact crazy, then you already know that its impossible for anyone to have the same thought process that I do.
So what do I do?
1) Throw caution to the wind and go have fun with no concrete end game?
Unlikely, homie don't play that game
2) Chalk this up to a learning experience and say I lost this one, but don't pursue another till I feel I'm ready?
Thats probably the most likely solution, but as you read in a previous post I don't think I have many "dimes" left and I need to stop acting in this manner
3) Ride it out, get set straight fast, and go knocking on his door when I'm settled?
This is the most desireable outcome. Hopefully he'll answer the door, I just hope we're both not 60.
At the end of the day it is true that I overthink a lot of things in my life. It's true, and there are days where I think thats a great quality, but then there are days like today, where I think I miss out on so many of life's expderiences because if it doesn't have a play-by-play description then I don't want to participate. Only time will tell what happens, yes time. Ugh.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A Smiling Full Face Does Wonders
Tonight was a completely eye-opening experience. I am a Texas boy plain and simple. I went on a night out on the town with a friend (by that I mean we went to Starbucks and a strip mall), but what was so great about it was the diversity of people we encountered. There were people from all walks of life; families, gangsters, single men and women, couples, and everthing in between, and they didn't look like the life had been sucked dry from them (minus two ladies at Old Navy, but hey you can't win them all). The experience just really hit home for me what I had been missing back in Reno.
I love my friends in Reno and the city itself, don't get me wrong, but I always hated the underlying filth that crept up on the surface from time to time, some will argue that that exists everywhere, and maybe I'll find it here in Houston, but its a little easier to mask when you have millions of people instead of just thousands. The Reno News & Review has a great article out this week that gives one of the most comprehensive reports on the City of Reno that I have ever seen, and I applaud them for doing it. It isn't always easy telling a family member what's wrong with them, but I hope they learn from it, because Reno really is a gem.
As far as things go for me personally there are a lot of good things happening for me. I found out that I may be going back to Wal-Mart (scoff all you want, but I enjoyed my 6 years there), and in August I start school to become a Real Estate agent, which I'm really looking foward to. I was talking to a dear friend last night, about this being a spontaneous mood, but I didn't want to feel stuck like so many others that I know, and a bump in the road at 25 is a lot easier to repair, than looking back on a lifetime of regret in the future. Only time will tell, but I'm normally a pretty good indicator of when things feel right, and this just does. I'm just really bummed I don't get to vote for Kate Marshall for Congress. :)
I love my friends in Reno and the city itself, don't get me wrong, but I always hated the underlying filth that crept up on the surface from time to time, some will argue that that exists everywhere, and maybe I'll find it here in Houston, but its a little easier to mask when you have millions of people instead of just thousands. The Reno News & Review has a great article out this week that gives one of the most comprehensive reports on the City of Reno that I have ever seen, and I applaud them for doing it. It isn't always easy telling a family member what's wrong with them, but I hope they learn from it, because Reno really is a gem.
As far as things go for me personally there are a lot of good things happening for me. I found out that I may be going back to Wal-Mart (scoff all you want, but I enjoyed my 6 years there), and in August I start school to become a Real Estate agent, which I'm really looking foward to. I was talking to a dear friend last night, about this being a spontaneous mood, but I didn't want to feel stuck like so many others that I know, and a bump in the road at 25 is a lot easier to repair, than looking back on a lifetime of regret in the future. Only time will tell, but I'm normally a pretty good indicator of when things feel right, and this just does. I'm just really bummed I don't get to vote for Kate Marshall for Congress. :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I Must Be Crazy, Right?
So, as I wait for my classes to start I obviously have a lot of time to think, and as my close friends will tell you, anytime I get time to think--its NEVER a good thing. Self reflection is huge in my world, I always look at where I've been and where I'm going and assess if I'm on the right path (hence the move), but I also revisit old romantic relationships with former love interests.
The second thought bubble is the one that gets me in the most trouble. As far as relationships go, I need closure when its time for "good-bye", if it were up to me, both parties would sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and create a Correction of Errors document to discuss what worked and what didn't, and ultimately why its ending. However, that never happens, so I'm often left with tons of questions, and the answer "It just didn't work out" is never good enough for me.
My very first experience with "love", or at least that's what I called it, happened 9 years ago. In my warped adolescent mind I thought he hung the moon, he knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and we had a lot of common interests. It also didn't help that he was drop dead gorgeous and I was 235lbs, granted most of the time with him I spent questioning why on Earth he was with me, but he always knew how to calm my questions. So fast forward 9 years, I'm still lucky enough to call him a friend, and he has moved on and up in life (he's an extremely talented vocalist), and he has found, I believe, actual love, and I couldn't be more happy for him. However, every once in a while I still question what could have happened. People always say to shy away from the "what ifs", but its like an addiction for me, I am forever asking them for all of life's experiences not just love.
When I was in Reno, I did everything shy of begging a different ex to move to Reno, now that was crazy I'll admit it. But at 25, and don't laugh, I feel like time is wasting, and if I don't find one soon I'm just going to keep burning through potentials. Granted, its not like I have a line a mile long outside the front door waiting to court me, but still I should be building a life with someone, right? I'm not the only who feels this way. I was having a few drinks with a heterosexual female friend of mine yesterday, who is younger than I am, and who felt the same way. People say chivalry is dead, but I'm not too sure it is. I think in today's world we are so obsessed with instant gratification that we forget that relationships take work. It's not as easy as hitting "Accept" on a Facebook friend request, and boom! Congratulations you're a couple!
So, today, as I sift through old photos of the ones who almost were, or the ones who were never going to be, but in the moment they were forever, I lift my head up, and recognize that my best days are ahead. People are a dime a dozen, hopefully I have more than a dollar left. :)
The second thought bubble is the one that gets me in the most trouble. As far as relationships go, I need closure when its time for "good-bye", if it were up to me, both parties would sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and create a Correction of Errors document to discuss what worked and what didn't, and ultimately why its ending. However, that never happens, so I'm often left with tons of questions, and the answer "It just didn't work out" is never good enough for me.
My very first experience with "love", or at least that's what I called it, happened 9 years ago. In my warped adolescent mind I thought he hung the moon, he knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and we had a lot of common interests. It also didn't help that he was drop dead gorgeous and I was 235lbs, granted most of the time with him I spent questioning why on Earth he was with me, but he always knew how to calm my questions. So fast forward 9 years, I'm still lucky enough to call him a friend, and he has moved on and up in life (he's an extremely talented vocalist), and he has found, I believe, actual love, and I couldn't be more happy for him. However, every once in a while I still question what could have happened. People always say to shy away from the "what ifs", but its like an addiction for me, I am forever asking them for all of life's experiences not just love.
When I was in Reno, I did everything shy of begging a different ex to move to Reno, now that was crazy I'll admit it. But at 25, and don't laugh, I feel like time is wasting, and if I don't find one soon I'm just going to keep burning through potentials. Granted, its not like I have a line a mile long outside the front door waiting to court me, but still I should be building a life with someone, right? I'm not the only who feels this way. I was having a few drinks with a heterosexual female friend of mine yesterday, who is younger than I am, and who felt the same way. People say chivalry is dead, but I'm not too sure it is. I think in today's world we are so obsessed with instant gratification that we forget that relationships take work. It's not as easy as hitting "Accept" on a Facebook friend request, and boom! Congratulations you're a couple!
So, today, as I sift through old photos of the ones who almost were, or the ones who were never going to be, but in the moment they were forever, I lift my head up, and recognize that my best days are ahead. People are a dime a dozen, hopefully I have more than a dollar left. :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Real Story
So, its been a few days, and for those of you who have noticed; yes, it is true, I do not live in Reno, NV anymore.
Hopefully now the gasps and shrieks of horror have ceased so that I may explain why I left, I feel I owe you that. Some of you may think I am a coward or that I'm running from something, but the reason I left Reno is simple, I had had enough of that city.
At first, I thought if I changed my job, and my house, I would be happy. For a moment that worked, however, one day after leaving work as a truck dispatcher and customer service representative (you guys might remember my brief stint as a "Donation Center Manager") I was asked 4 times for money by street bums, or as I like to call them "meth-heads". It was at that very moment I realized that I did not have the quality of life I wanted, so I decided to move to Houston.
Today, I'm focusing on refocusing my life's goals, reconnecting with friends from my childhood, and just re-centering myself to continue being a contributing member of society. I invite you all to share my experiences with me through "One Way Ticket", it will be a bumpy ride no doubt, but its going to be a fun one!
Hopefully now the gasps and shrieks of horror have ceased so that I may explain why I left, I feel I owe you that. Some of you may think I am a coward or that I'm running from something, but the reason I left Reno is simple, I had had enough of that city.
At first, I thought if I changed my job, and my house, I would be happy. For a moment that worked, however, one day after leaving work as a truck dispatcher and customer service representative (you guys might remember my brief stint as a "Donation Center Manager") I was asked 4 times for money by street bums, or as I like to call them "meth-heads". It was at that very moment I realized that I did not have the quality of life I wanted, so I decided to move to Houston.
Today, I'm focusing on refocusing my life's goals, reconnecting with friends from my childhood, and just re-centering myself to continue being a contributing member of society. I invite you all to share my experiences with me through "One Way Ticket", it will be a bumpy ride no doubt, but its going to be a fun one!
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