Come Here, Wait Not That Close

I am an idiot.

Are you through nodding your head in agreement yet? Good. Yes, when it comes to love and relationships I am inept of doing it successfully. I usually chase after the unattainable, or when I go after someone I think I have a shot at getting, once he shows interest, I run away. Now, I would like to think of myself as a sincere person, so this usually isn't done to inflict pain on the other party, or to get some kind of warped satisfaction out of rejecting someone, its just the time honored tradition of putting my mind and heart into a WWE cage match. Let me share with you exactly what I'm talking about...

So, there is this guy here in Houston that appears to have some interest in me, and I in him, however right off the bat I'll tell you that I shouldn't. Although, one of the driving factors that pushed me into this move was my never-ending quest to find love, and Reno wasn't showing to be a fruitful battlefield, so I came into Houston. But in Reno, I was ready for love, and I could provide for a partner. I don't necessarily need to be the bread winner in a relationship, but I do need to have some sense of stability, and a 25 year old unemployed guy living with his parents was never at the top of my list, so why should I think that its on the top of anybody elses?

Anyway, we've been conversing for two weeks, chit chatting and getting to know eachother, and then he starts asking me to hang out with him. I would immediately say no, but then I thought I sounded like I was leading him on, so when he asked again, I just ignored him for awhile. Right, because we all thoroughly enjoy being ignored. I'm a tool sometimes. I was talking to a very good friend of mine about the situation, and she basically told me to straighten up and just be honest with him. So then I told him that I just wanted to be more stable before we hung out because that sort of thing is important to me. Not so bad, right?

Honestly, its going to take me weeks before I have my feet planted to the degree I think they should be planted. Most people would just say, "Just go out with him, and have fun!". I don't work like that. Maybe I'm just psychologically unable to process how to do that, but I don't just date to have fun, I date to find the person I'm going to have a white picket fence and 2.5 kids with. Now, don't worry, that isn't my opening line when he picks me up, but its how I enter the situation. And I would NEVER date someone who is where I'm at now. There are exceptions, like I don't care if you flip burgers for a living, so long as you aspire to be the restaraunt manager down the road. If you have ambition, then I have the time, but if you're content being at the bottom rung of the ladder, then you aren't for me. But I don't give others the credit to think things out like I do, and if you have come to the assumption that I am in fact crazy, then you already know that its impossible for anyone to have the same thought process that I do.

So what do I do?
1) Throw caution to the wind and go have fun with no concrete end game?
    Unlikely, homie don't play that game

2) Chalk this up to a learning experience and say I lost this one, but don't pursue another till I feel I'm ready?
   Thats probably the most likely solution, but as you read in a previous post I don't think I have many "dimes" left and I need to stop acting in this manner

3) Ride it out, get set straight fast, and go knocking on his door when I'm settled?
    This is the most desireable outcome. Hopefully he'll answer the door, I just hope we're both not 60.

At the end of the day it is true that I overthink a lot of things in my life. It's true, and there are days where I think thats a great quality, but then there are days like today, where I think I miss out on so many of life's expderiences because if it doesn't have a play-by-play description then I don't want to participate. Only time will tell what happens, yes time. Ugh.