So, as I wait for my classes to start I obviously have a lot of time to think, and as my close friends will tell you, anytime I get time to think--its NEVER a good thing. Self reflection is huge in my world, I always look at where I've been and where I'm going and assess if I'm on the right path (hence the move), but I also revisit old romantic relationships with former love interests.
The second thought bubble is the one that gets me in the most trouble. As far as relationships go, I need closure when its time for "good-bye", if it were up to me, both parties would sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and create a Correction of Errors document to discuss what worked and what didn't, and ultimately why its ending. However, that never happens, so I'm often left with tons of questions, and the answer "It just didn't work out" is never good enough for me.
My very first experience with "love", or at least that's what I called it, happened 9 years ago. In my warped adolescent mind I thought he hung the moon, he knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and we had a lot of common interests. It also didn't help that he was drop dead gorgeous and I was 235lbs, granted most of the time with him I spent questioning why on Earth he was with me, but he always knew how to calm my questions. So fast forward 9 years, I'm still lucky enough to call him a friend, and he has moved on and up in life (he's an extremely talented vocalist), and he has found, I believe, actual love, and I couldn't be more happy for him. However, every once in a while I still question what could have happened. People always say to shy away from the "what ifs", but its like an addiction for me, I am forever asking them for all of life's experiences not just love.
When I was in Reno, I did everything shy of begging a different ex to move to Reno, now that was crazy I'll admit it. But at 25, and don't laugh, I feel like time is wasting, and if I don't find one soon I'm just going to keep burning through potentials. Granted, its not like I have a line a mile long outside the front door waiting to court me, but still I should be building a life with someone, right? I'm not the only who feels this way. I was having a few drinks with a heterosexual female friend of mine yesterday, who is younger than I am, and who felt the same way. People say chivalry is dead, but I'm not too sure it is. I think in today's world we are so obsessed with instant gratification that we forget that relationships take work. It's not as easy as hitting "Accept" on a Facebook friend request, and boom! Congratulations you're a couple!
So, today, as I sift through old photos of the ones who almost were, or the ones who were never going to be, but in the moment they were forever, I lift my head up, and recognize that my best days are ahead. People are a dime a dozen, hopefully I have more than a dollar left. :)
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